T.G.I.F!!!!!

For some reason this week dragged like you wouldn't believe. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm still not used to working five days a week again. Ever since the end of December with the Holidays the office has either been closed, or one of my kids are sick, or I am sick and I have been working three or four day weeks. And yes a four day work week is way shorter then a five day one. I guess another contributing factor is that this is my "slow" week at work. And when I say slow I mean I'm only doing the equivalent of three peoples jobs whereas on my "busy" weeks I am doing as much as five people. But that's the argument that I am betting almost all employed people have, over worked and underpaid. I look forward to the day when I enjoy the work that I do and not start the countdown to Friday on Sunday afternoons. Granted being a single mom is putting the dream job on hold for awhile, photography is not exactly the most stable job, but I would love to even be able to go back to school for something stable. All this talk of the grants out there yet trying to find them and get them is not easy. Well there was a tangent that I completely didn't intend to write. Back to being happy that its Friday :) Going out with Mr. Big tonight, which is always a good time. Pretty sure this is just going to be low key though. Grabbing dinner and then a movie. Finally going to go and see The Women in Black. I had actually won free screening passes to this movie but ended up being sick on the night and then ran late when we tried to make it so didn't see it. I'm hoping that it turns out to be a good horror flick. I love to be scared as long as I'm not alone. The adrenaline rush that you get is worth it. I already have warned Mr. Big that I do tend to scream at horror movies so we will see how he reacts to that! Then a weekend home with my munchkins fixing valentines and baking. I think I'm actually going to go the cookie route this weekend and attempt to decorate the cookies to actually look like something. Possibly Elmo or Star Wars or Transformers. Almost forgot that my son is having a friend over this weekend so lets see how much hair I have left on Monday. Wish me luck and if it stays calm I swear I will get the cupcakes posted that I talked about weeks ago. Geez what a slacker I am!!!!

Head first, feet last.

Well I did it, I took the plunge and am now officially in a relationship again. Mr. Big and I are now a we. It was cute and hilarious and completely off the wall, but so so me. Its odd since my track record since my ex has not been stellar; a crazy, a stalker, and a felon theif, but you cant dwell on the past right. That's a lesson that I have learned and yet am still learning. I find myself comparing situations that are happening now to something that happened in the past. I am actively working on trying to just sit back and take things one day at a time but its hard. I am at my core a planner. Add in three kids and the planning becomes a necessity. After being burned multiple times I have a lot of problem with giving out that blind faith. I don't think that its easy for anyone but for me its extremely hard. I'm talking pulling teeth with no Novocaine or any of that fabulous laughing gas! But if I want to eventually find that one who is going to be the one then I have to put myself out there and be okay with the chance of falling. Just a quick little dribble for now :)

Isolation sucks, but it not an STD!

Have you ever felt completely isolated? The feeling of no matter the quantity or quality of friends or family you have that you’re still in it alone. Well you and me both. For some reason this funk has been going on and I’m banking on this being therapeutic because in all honesty I’m over it. If I sit and think about it I have been extremely selective and have a very small group of friends that I have let in. Bringing up a little bit of background to help explain this but I had my oldest when I was 18. Getting pregnant at 17 was not in the plans and according to the docs not able to happen, but it did. I was a partier and when that stick had the plus sign on it that stopped. Don’t get me wrong that was for the best obviously but in that moment is when I can see now that I started to close myself off. I stopped hanging out with a lot of the people I did, again not a bad thing, but I never gave them the chance of changing as well.

Then being in a six year relationship with someone who was a bit controlling helped thin that out more. I became friends with his friends but their loyalties were to him and when everything came to a head I no longer talked to them either. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not a complete loner but I can count on two hands the people I still count as friends. Well with that said we are all going it what seems separate directions. Oops is finishing school so we rarely talk or hang out. Tee just went back to school so the same thing. Then there’s Ash who works an opposite schedule of mine and has a three month old, or Trish who has two munchkins and is a single mom with two jobs. I have attempted before to make new friends but that to me is hard.

Doing some deep soul searching, or whatever you want to call it, I know that I don’t let people in because then you get burned. But honestly I’m to the point where enough is enough. I’ve jumped back into the dating thing so why not make new friends? I’ve joined groups through meetup.com but find myself always coming up with a reason not to go or dragging someone I know along to keep me company. It’s always been easier that way. I guess its time to put on my big girl panties and make some friends. I miss girl’s nights out or in. I miss dishing over food about guys. I miss being able to complain about cramps to someone who can actually relate.