Isolation sucks, but it not an STD!

Have you ever felt completely isolated? The feeling of no matter the quantity or quality of friends or family you have that you’re still in it alone. Well you and me both. For some reason this funk has been going on and I’m banking on this being therapeutic because in all honesty I’m over it. If I sit and think about it I have been extremely selective and have a very small group of friends that I have let in. Bringing up a little bit of background to help explain this but I had my oldest when I was 18. Getting pregnant at 17 was not in the plans and according to the docs not able to happen, but it did. I was a partier and when that stick had the plus sign on it that stopped. Don’t get me wrong that was for the best obviously but in that moment is when I can see now that I started to close myself off. I stopped hanging out with a lot of the people I did, again not a bad thing, but I never gave them the chance of changing as well.

Then being in a six year relationship with someone who was a bit controlling helped thin that out more. I became friends with his friends but their loyalties were to him and when everything came to a head I no longer talked to them either. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not a complete loner but I can count on two hands the people I still count as friends. Well with that said we are all going it what seems separate directions. Oops is finishing school so we rarely talk or hang out. Tee just went back to school so the same thing. Then there’s Ash who works an opposite schedule of mine and has a three month old, or Trish who has two munchkins and is a single mom with two jobs. I have attempted before to make new friends but that to me is hard.

Doing some deep soul searching, or whatever you want to call it, I know that I don’t let people in because then you get burned. But honestly I’m to the point where enough is enough. I’ve jumped back into the dating thing so why not make new friends? I’ve joined groups through meetup.com but find myself always coming up with a reason not to go or dragging someone I know along to keep me company. It’s always been easier that way. I guess its time to put on my big girl panties and make some friends. I miss girl’s nights out or in. I miss dishing over food about guys. I miss being able to complain about cramps to someone who can actually relate.