Have you ever felt like giving up? Simply just throwing up your hands and saying frack it I just don't care anymore!?! Well I feel like I am stuck here. I just can't seem to pull myself out of this slump. Right now I can pin point two causes but there may be more.
The first cause, my kids. More specifically my kids attitudes. I literally want to pull my hair out. The oldest isn't even nine and I find myself cringing thinking about the teenage years. I try so hard not to raise my voice and then before I know it I'm yelling at one or more of them for doing something that they know better not to or just makes absolutely no sense why they did it. The oldest know not to talk back. This was a major rule that he was taught since a toddler, well now not a conversation happens with out him talking back.
Then you have the second oldest who is resorts to whining about any and everything. He especially turns it on when his Dad is around or when he is talking to his biological Mom. It will go from normal tone when talking to me to the second his Dad walks in he is whining up a storm. It drives me up a wall!
Now the oldest girl and middle child can be summed up in two words, DRAMA QUEEN! Every little thing is blown way out of proportion. Take this morning for instance, she was told to get dressed for school and instead of just getting her clothes out she went into a meltdown of not having anything to wear! I'm talking full on screaming, kicking, snot running down her face and hiccuping. She is six! She has a closet full of clothes. When I told her she needed to knock it off and calm down she looked at me like I was crazy. What is she going to be like as a hormonal teenager! Oh my goodness, prepare world, PRE-fricken-PARE!!!
Then the second youngest and youngest boy. He is so flip flop. He can go from being the sweetest, kindest, little helper to a crazed child in .1 seconds flat. One example he decided to take a toy from the youngest because she was "thinking about writing on it" this threw her into a fit and when I told him to give it back he threw it at her. Not gently handed or even tossed, but chucked it at her. That earned him a time out and he was sent to his room. This led to stomping up the stairs, an almost slammed door(told him to stop before he did it), and then almost 10 minutes of blood curdling screams on how unfair it was.
Now the youngest, where even to start. Whoever came up with the phrase "terrible twos" knew nothing! She started at two and never stopped. Yes she is only three now but there is no calming down yet, if anything she gets crazier and crazier. She is constantly screwing with the other kids and making them freak out. She loves to take things that are not hers and take off running. And don't get me started on my makeup. Keeping her out of that is a chore in itself.
I don't want to raise my voice to them anymore but find myself at a brick wall with coming up with something else that works. Time outs? Ha yeah right. They do their time, get out of the corner, and I swear within 10 minutes do the exact same thing again. We tried making them do exercise as punishment. Nope didn't work either. They thought it was fun and asked to do push ups all the time. I don't expect my kids to act like perfect little angels all the time but my goodness I am exhausted. I need to come up with different stratagies but so far nothing.
Until next time...
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
Starting Anew
So here it goes again. I am starting over on the blog front. I realize that I have done this multiple times. I decide to start blogging again and hype myself up and lay out all these goal and then never follow through. Its the same list of excuses, I'm too busy, the kids need me, I have to clean, I need to do laundry, I could go on and on but the real reason is I just get lazy.
In addition to that I think its time that I admit that I started a blog with the idea in my head that it was going to be read by a bunch of people who would leave me encouraging comments and we'd start this weird camaraderie but that's not the case. Just the sheer volume of blogs out there makes that an insane idea. Plus I refuse to share on my own social media pages that I blog. It seems to much to have people who I know know reading anything I write. Hell what if I wrote about them.
We all are guilty of it. I personally have no one in my life that I am happy with all the time. Even my boyfriend, who is the love of my life, pisses me off at times. I know there are times when we both want to lock the other one in a room and leave them there for awhile. And that's the nice version that goes on in my head.
Now can you imagine what I think and or say about other people in my life who piss me off? I have one best friend who I love dearly and would go to the ends of the earth for but at times she's a SHITTY friend. There are others who never pick up a phone to call except when they need something and then there are ones who are more of glorified acquaintances then friends.
Part of the shotty friendships are my fault. I do get busy, I have five kids on a daily basis. When there's time with no kids, the first priority is time with my love. But come on. I'm sick of being the one to reach out, to always make the phone calls, to set up the dinners, to try to plan get togethers. Their reasoning, I moved. Yes I no longer live 5 minutes away but I didn't move states. At most we are an hour apart. Before the move, every single one of them supported it, even encouraged it. They saw how happy I was and told me to go for it. See not always shotty friends! But not long after I moved it became the one sided friendship.
Maybe I didn't choose the best of friends but they are honestly great people. Maybe I need to make new friends but I've never been great at that. I'm a tough nut to crack but once we become friends its a different story. Then add in that my love has an ex-wife that had friends around this neighborhood but then burned those bridges. Unknowingly to me I befriended the one friend she had left around here(that we know of) and that completely blew up in my face. Its amazing that grown women can still revert to the he said, she said bullcrap. I didn't like high school drama the first time around and I can't stand it now.
Plus how do you make new friends in your late twenties? I'm a stay at home mom so there's no work friends(even though that didn't work before). I've joined Mom groups before and still felt like an outsider. There are always the older more established Moms that give me the brush off since I had my son at 18. Then there's the other group of younger Moms that only show up at the groups once or twice and then disappear. And the final group is the "regulars" they started the group and have been around the longest and are not okay with new people.
Maybe I haven't found the right group yet, I don't know. I have made a couple connections with people but sadly its not the friendship where you call just to chat. I know it's partially my fault but maybe I'm not ready yet. One day.
Now that I've excepted that this blog is going to just be an online journal for me maybe I will write more. If not it's not a big deal and if I do then 5 years down the line I can always look back and giggle or realize how different I am.
In addition to that I think its time that I admit that I started a blog with the idea in my head that it was going to be read by a bunch of people who would leave me encouraging comments and we'd start this weird camaraderie but that's not the case. Just the sheer volume of blogs out there makes that an insane idea. Plus I refuse to share on my own social media pages that I blog. It seems to much to have people who I know know reading anything I write. Hell what if I wrote about them.
We all are guilty of it. I personally have no one in my life that I am happy with all the time. Even my boyfriend, who is the love of my life, pisses me off at times. I know there are times when we both want to lock the other one in a room and leave them there for awhile. And that's the nice version that goes on in my head.
Now can you imagine what I think and or say about other people in my life who piss me off? I have one best friend who I love dearly and would go to the ends of the earth for but at times she's a SHITTY friend. There are others who never pick up a phone to call except when they need something and then there are ones who are more of glorified acquaintances then friends.
Part of the shotty friendships are my fault. I do get busy, I have five kids on a daily basis. When there's time with no kids, the first priority is time with my love. But come on. I'm sick of being the one to reach out, to always make the phone calls, to set up the dinners, to try to plan get togethers. Their reasoning, I moved. Yes I no longer live 5 minutes away but I didn't move states. At most we are an hour apart. Before the move, every single one of them supported it, even encouraged it. They saw how happy I was and told me to go for it. See not always shotty friends! But not long after I moved it became the one sided friendship.
Maybe I didn't choose the best of friends but they are honestly great people. Maybe I need to make new friends but I've never been great at that. I'm a tough nut to crack but once we become friends its a different story. Then add in that my love has an ex-wife that had friends around this neighborhood but then burned those bridges. Unknowingly to me I befriended the one friend she had left around here(that we know of) and that completely blew up in my face. Its amazing that grown women can still revert to the he said, she said bullcrap. I didn't like high school drama the first time around and I can't stand it now.
Plus how do you make new friends in your late twenties? I'm a stay at home mom so there's no work friends(even though that didn't work before). I've joined Mom groups before and still felt like an outsider. There are always the older more established Moms that give me the brush off since I had my son at 18. Then there's the other group of younger Moms that only show up at the groups once or twice and then disappear. And the final group is the "regulars" they started the group and have been around the longest and are not okay with new people.
Maybe I haven't found the right group yet, I don't know. I have made a couple connections with people but sadly its not the friendship where you call just to chat. I know it's partially my fault but maybe I'm not ready yet. One day.
Now that I've excepted that this blog is going to just be an online journal for me maybe I will write more. If not it's not a big deal and if I do then 5 years down the line I can always look back and giggle or realize how different I am.
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